Position Paper #1
After refusing many pleas to run for governor,
I have reconsidered and now enter the race
as an unofficial write-in candidate. After
all, why shd I remain the ONLY nut in California
who ain't running?
My party, the Guns and Dope Party, invites extremists
of both right and left to unite behind the shared goals of
1) Get those pointy-headed Washinton bureaucrats off
our backs and off our fronts too!
2) guns for everybody who wants them; no guns for
those who don't want them
3) drugs for everybody who wants them; no drugs for
those who don't want them
4) freedom of choice, free love, free speech,
free Internet and free beer
5) California secession -- Keep the anti--gun and
ant-dope fanatics on the Eastern side of the Rockies
6) Lotsa wild parties every night by gun-toting dopers
7) Animal protection -- Support your right to
keep and arm bears
More position papers will follow; we know at
least 69 good positions
Robert Anton Wilson
Guns and Dope Party
Position Paper #5
The official flag: the Republic of California bear
Official motto: "Like what you like,
enjoy what you enjoy,
and don't take crap from anybody."
Major goal of first term: California secesion.
[Oregon, Washington State and B.C. invited to join Freetopia....]
First order of business on assuming office:
Fire 33% of the legislature [names selected at random]
and replace them with full-grown adult ostritches,
whose mysterious and awesome dignity will elevate
the suidean barbarity long established there.
Both the pro-gun people and the dopers
[medical, religious and/or receational]
feel like minorities, and the TSOG [Tsarist Occupation Government]
agrees with this estimate of their weakness.
Our contention holds that in the West both groups
working together make a MAJORITY.
Ergo, they have much to gain and nowt to lose in combining forces.
Each side only has to realize this and agree
"We'll tolerate their hobbies if they'll tolerate ours"
and we can drive the Tsarists back to Russia!
The greatest of all crimes are the wars that are carried on by governments, to plunder, enslave, and destroy mankind. The next greatest crimes committed in the world are equally prompted by avarice and ambition; and are committed, not on sudden passion, but by men of calculation, who keep their heads cool and clear, and who have no thought whatever of going to prison for them. They are committed, not so much by men who violate the laws, as by men who, either by themselves or by their instruments, make the laws; by men who have combined to usurp arbitrary power, and to maintain it by force and fraud, and whose purpose in usurping and maintaining it is by unjust and unequal legislation, to secure to themselves such advantages and monopolies as will enable them to control and extort the labor and properties of other men, and thus impoverish them, in order to minister to their own wealth and aggrandizement. The robberies and wrongs thus committed by these men, in conformity with the laws, --- that is, their own laws --- are as mountains to molehills, compared with the crimes committed by all other criminals, in violation of the laws.
--Lysander Spooner (1808 - 1887)
"The 10th Amendment says all powers not relegated to the federal government are reserved to the states or to the people. Nowhere does it say that a goddamn tsar will be in charge of my medical care and interfere between me and my doctor. If anybody in Philadelphia in the 18th Century had suggested putting something like that in the Constitution, they would have been considered a raving lunatic. This Constitution was not created to establish a tsarist tyranny, it was established to create a free society!"
- Robert Anton Wilson,
speaking on the steps of Santa Cruz City Hall, September 2002,
at an event held in response to a Drug Enforcement Agency raid
on the Wo/Men's Alliance for Medical Marijuana.
Also sprach RAW:
If I announce [as I've considered] that God supports the Guns and Dope
Party, how many of you will consider that claim 1.schizo or delusional 2.
genuine Divine intervention 3. a con game 4. a hoax, satire, jape etc.
How do you rank the similar claims of Monkey-Boy, Jerry Falwell, Son of Sam,
the Tsars of Russia, the Tsars of USA, Osama bin Laden, the popes of Rome etc?
Anyway, God has personally endorsed the GUNS AND DOPE PARTY and cursed
Tsardom. He told me so, speaking through an ostrich named Olga who
co-starred with Orson Welles in a thriller called Southern Star.
Olga spoke in Orson's most sonorous and resonant voice,
the one he used for Father Mapple in Moby Dick. Orson,
in another second-rate villain role, spoke in a lispy, sqeeaky, very Gay,
upper-class English voice, which made the character, a bandit chief,
a lot more interesting.
At the climax, Olga said, looking right at the camera, "I am the Lord God.
Do you believe that?"
I giggled and said, "No...I think I just took too much pain medicine..."
"Good," said Olga/Orson/Father Mapple. "I'm sick and tired of gullible
fools like Dubya and Son of Sam. Just keep an open mind, old chum,
and watch me rear back and work some Miracles for the Guns and Dope
Party! Damn those pesky Tsarists! By the way, don't forget your
promise to include 33% ostriches in your government."
Those other guys are just jealous because the Voices don't speak to them
and they have to fake it!
A GOVERNMENT WHICH TAKES
YOUR MONEY BY FORCE
LIKE A COMMON THIEF
WILL USE THIS STOLEN MONEY
TO FURTHER ENSLAVE
YOU AND TO PREVENT ANY
REBELLION ON YOUR PART
WHY OLGA REMAINS ESSENTIAL
Olga remains essential to the serious, scientific and
sincerely surrealist aspects of the Guns and Dope Party.
Personal liberty, scientific and medical freedom,
the rights of Imagination: all these appear dead or dying under the tyranny of Tsarism, and we all need to fight back "by any means necessary." After all, this may become the last -- the very last -- battle for individual rights in this moribund Republic, before rampant medievalism closes down the democratic age.
NONETHELESS, we all need Olga also. Without her, we
might take ourselves -- and featherless biped politics
in general -- too damned seriously, following
the usual "slippery slope" downward from Ideology
to Idiocy. We need the perspectives of our feathered
cousins, no matter how weird they may sound at times.
Thus, while we stand beside the NRA in strict
adherence to the second amendment,
we oppose what Jimmy Breslin called "poor usage of a revolver."
We also oppose poor usage of napalm, bazookas, shrapnel, automatic rifles, nukes, etc. Common Errors in Usage of all of these seem rampant in the Tsarist States, not only by the Goober government there,
but increasingly by the baffled and maddened citizens,
which explains why we feel secession may become necessary.
As the philosopher Claud William Dunkenfield [1889-1945] noted,
"Sooner or later we must take the bull by the tail
and look the facts in the face."
A MAYBE MAP OF THE FUTURE
Position Paper 23E
The goal of the Guns and Dope Party --
return to constitutional democracy --
will probably remain unacceptable to most of this country.
Especially in the middle of the continent, a majority seems
to prefer the tyranny of TSOG and its associated
"faith-based organizations." Thus, secession must
remain on our agenda, at least as a distinct
In Freetopia we will end all "faith-based" bans on
scientific and medical freedom, including the
verbots against orgonomic medicine, LSD, cloning,
stem-cell research etc. Every citizen will choose
the type of health care he or she wants, just as
they did in the old U.S. before the Tsarist take-over.
Every scientist will research whatever she or he
finds most interesting. In short, we will become
full members of the "civilized" world
again, and ostriches will have the respect
Meanwhile, the Tsarist states will probably
sink deeper and deeper into barbarism,
becoming more and more terrified of a world that also feels
more and more terrified of them --
until like all closed systems they choke
on their own entropy [communication jams] and perish.
Question: Would Guns and Dope attempt to eliminate all taxes ?
Answer: We'd follow Lysander Spooner's voluntary tax plan combined with the lightspeed of Internet. Every citizen would receive a semi-annual Republic budget, telling what the Republic of Freetopia wanted to do for them or to them, and each would send in their share of the fee for whatever projects seemed sensible and useful to them. Nobody would pay a penny for anything that seemed pointless,useless, invasive,tyrannical or even annoying to them. If nobody paid for a project, it would get dumped for lack of funding.
As Spooner wrote earlier: "Constitutions are utterly worthless to restrain the tyranny of governments, unless it be understood that the people will by force compell the government to remain within constitutional limits. Practically speaking, no government knows any limits to its power except the endurance of the people."
Voluntary taxation expresses the endurance of the people directly and immediately, "before the horse gets out of the stable."
Government is not reason, it is not eloquence,
it is force; like fire, a troublesome servant and a fearful master.
Never for a moment should it be left to irresponsible action.
-- George Washington
"Fear of the unpredictible, which I call infophobia,
underlies every movement or ideology that I have satirized."
- Robert Anton Wilson
Visit The Guns & Dope Party Official Website
Review: The Encyclopedia of Struthian Orthodox Iconography
This third edition of The Encyclopedia of Struthian Orthodox Iconography provides extensive, detailed entries on the major movements, documents, denominations and bipeds within the Western Struthian tradition. From "Olga the First" to "Tsar Ratite," the thematic entries, presented randomly, provide no doubt that ESOI is thorough, scholarly, and effectively accessed with its numerous index points. Its lists of selected works of art for each theme are especially valuable, as this feature is not offered in some sources, such as Babcock and de Selby. Seven indexes to terms discussed in the entries ensure that the user will find references to the subject being sought. An Index of Ancient Mythological and Historical Personages, Places, and Concepts, and an Index of Palaeognathic Personages, Places, and Concepts help the user who is interested in a particular place or the narratives of particular characters, but isn't sure how themes relating to them are categorized. These are followed by an Index of References to the Struthiondicus and Other Sacred Books; an Index of Other Cultures, Religions, and Mythologies; an alphabetical Index of Artists and Works of Art; and an Index of Authors, Literary Texts, Composers, Filmmakers, and Folktales, which includes references from classical to contemporary, including Aesop, Benjamin Franklin, the movie Southern Star, and Walt Disney. A final Index of Other Names and Terms includes topics that appear in the essays but are not themselves mythological, religious, or literary, such as brothels, dogs, and puzzles.
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